Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
