Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
