Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
