i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
