I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My ATM looks so different sober.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
