You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
