i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
