I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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