Tell her she can't have a vagina
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
