so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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