yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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