I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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