went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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