so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize