You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
