Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
