Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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