fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
