dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just googled if crying burns calories
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
