Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
