i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
