I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
