I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
