you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
