If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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