please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
