I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
