You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
