My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
