Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize