i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize