K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
