He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize