Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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