so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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