Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
