it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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