So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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