I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
