So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
