Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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