Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
