I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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