Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
