i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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