I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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