How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
