I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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