I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
