dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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