I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
