if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
