Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You made out with two different species that night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
