I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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