he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
worst night to have a conscience
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
