Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
im six kinds of drunk right now
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
