Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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