Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
