doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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