maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
