If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
