so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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