Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you will always have a special place in my vag
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
