I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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