why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
