why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
3pm strippers are depressing
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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