Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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