I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
a search helicopter?!
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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