hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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